Vintage

I did some shopping at a “Vintage” store the other day. I found 3 things that I used to own.  That’s just not right. I’m not that old. These were things from the 1980s.  How can that be vintage? Vintage should be the 20s – 60s. Not tacky see-through green sun visors that I wore on my trip to Disneyworld.

I also found one of my old skirts and an awful jacket I used to wear. I better start saving my current clothes. I’ll probably be able to sell those to the Vintage store by next month.

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Woman with the Golden Arm

Part of  Saint Birgitta’s golden arm, a relic of Saint Eugenia Catholic parish in Stockholm kept since 1875, was stolen Monday night from the church reliquary. “

More importantly – we had an arm?!  I thought they only kept these kinds of things in Italy.  I mean, I took my kids to see Galileo’s finger once in Florence, but I had no idea we had someone’s arm in Stockholm.  (That’s right parents, they have Galelio’s finger at a museum in Florence. Remember that when planning your next vacation.  Your kids will love it!)

Now I need to find out what other body parts they have around here. This town just got more interesting.

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Nerf

I saw a commercial for a “new” Nerf gun.  You know, the kind that shoots the foam darts?  You had that around when you were a kid, right?  Well they sell the exact same gun you remember, but now it’s “Zombie defense gun!”  I watched the commercial.  There is nothing zombie about this gun except for the “Z” on the side.  This is the same gun that probably used to be called the Space alien gun, the G.I.Joe gun, the Terminator gun, or whatever was popular at the time.  I think I’ll wait until next year when Werewolves are all the rage and get the Werewolf defense gun.

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Is that a banana in your pants?

A woman asked if she could cut ahead of me at the store because she was in a hurry. No problem. But it got interesting when I realized she was in a hurry to buy a banana and panties. That’s all.

My mind doesn’t even want to know.

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87.5 and not one minute more!

Sweden is great because sometimes you can get 50% jobs as well as 75% jobs.  It works out well especially if you have kids to pick up from daycare or take to activities.

I think this one is going a bit too far though.

87.5% – What kind of random strange percentage is this?  Not 88!  Not 90!  We have calculated it to the very minute and you better not work one minute more!

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Clean cars

I walked down an average neighborhood street yesterday in Stockholm past about 40 cars. As I looked in each one, I noticed they were all completely clean! No food wrappers, trash or even crumbs. Every car looked great inside.

I think I’ve come up with the reason for this. No one eats in their car in Stockholm. It is not a fast food/drive-thru culture. The most people do around here is to take a thermos of coffee. And they love their coffee so much, they wouldn’t dare leave the thermos behind when they get to their destination.

I went through a drive-thru on the outskirts of Stockholm this past summer. I realized I had never done this in my 14 years in Sweden. They had 2 lanes for cars plus they actually used both the pay window and the delivery window – a practice the US seemed to give up about a month after it was introduced, leaving us with fast food restaurants full of empty windows.

Not eating in the car. Interesting concept. The Swedes may be onto something here.

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Beer and Cheese dip

My friend in Texas sent me this.  I have no words.

 

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Dentist

I saw a dentist office with a video screen facing outside the window showing tools digging through people’s mouths. Why would this encourage me to visit that particular office?  I don’t see hospitals with Jumbo Trons outside showing gallbladder surgery.

“Hmm…I like that they use the Pembroke scalpel. Maybe I’ll switch places.”

Just put a sign up, Dentists. We go to you for YOU to look in our mouth because we don’t want to and we sure don’t want to see everyone else’s. Save your videos for the Christmas party and scrape off my plaque.

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Important questions in an election

We had elections here in Sweden yesterday. I was reading the morning paper which had a section where they ask people on the street “What do you think is the most important issue in this election?”

One person answered ‘schools’, another answered ‘welfare,’ but my favorite was the woman who answered “The dog question. Where I can let my dog loose is something I want the answer to!”

Good point. I don’t see enough parties discussing the important issue of places to unleash your dog. They’re spending all this time arguing about schools, development and immigration, but not one party speaks up for Mr. Woofers, who apparently has trouble finding one of the many leash free dog parks that are pretty much in every neighborhood around here. Right on Mr. Woofers and Mr. Woofer’s caretaker! Important issues!

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Deciphering job ads

I’m looking for something part-time to supplement my translating work.  I like the ads that are straight and to the point.  Too many of them are full of double-speak and fancy wording for menial work.  Let me decipher this for you:

-Provide administrative support and briefings to senior management ( Bring coffee and donuts at the Monday meeting.)

-Organise and coordinate internal and external meetings, preparing agendas, transcribing minutes, reception of visitors  (Book the meeting room, which takes 2 seconds but somehow the “suits” can’t do that on their own, sit in the back with a laptop or pen & paper so we look fancy even though we could just record this and store it in a sound file, sit at the front desk so no one steals our flowers.)

-Support the procurement processes within a specific programme (order paperclips online from Office Depot)

-Perform various other administrative tasks as deemed necessary (We’re gonna need more donuts.)

 

alterad

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