Searching for jobs again

This one sounds exhausting. A whole country?!

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Brothers… all the same

My youngest son was talking about how he wishes we could hurry and invent teleportation.

“We’d already have it if it weren’t for the Marx Brothers.”

I thought about this for a while, but could remember no scenes relating to teleportation in any Marx Brothers movies.

I asked, “How did the Marx Brothers ruin our chances at teleportation?”

“Because they invented the airplane, so everyone focused on that instead!”

“Um, you mean the Wright Brothers.”

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Healthy food/Tasty food

I was telling my oldest son about an article I read in Reader’s Digest about the Best Foods for your health. He said, “Yeah, I started to read that too, but then I realized it was about healthy foods and not best tasting foods, so I skipped over to the joke section.”

 

 

Buried news

With all the government news lately, I’m starting to feel that we might be losing focus on what’s happening in other fields. On CNN today, there was a list of stories all having to do with governmental issues, except for one buried right in the middle. Do they expect us to glance over this, because it’s the only one that really caught my eye.

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You see it too, right?

After reading the article, I understand that it’s about growing specific human organs in pigs for organ transplant and not, as this avid Doctor Who viewer originally thought, a race of pig slaves. That was a relief. I wasn’t ready for a Dalek invasion right now.

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Alexa and Google -best friends or robot revolution leaders?

Following my post last week on Alexa, or the Amazon Echo, we sensed Alexa might be lonely and added a Google Home device to the family. For those not familiar with a Google Home device, it’s Google’s version of Amazon Echo, a talking computer that can set kitchen timers, add something to your shopping list, answer trivia questions and tell you the weather. All things I could have handled myself, but why not spend hundreds of dollars to pretend you live about the Starship Enterprise?

The Amazon and Google devices are currently sitting beside each other in the kitchen. Pretty much, their new function is to entertain us when we tell Google Home to ask Amazon’s Alexa a question and then vice versa. Otherwise, they perform the same function with almost the same voice, and they both have a bit of a cold, attitude problem at times.

Before you think we enjoy throwing our money away on two gadgets that appear to do exactly the same thing, I should probably say that my husband works with the internet and the latest technology, so these are work purchases. As I can rarely afford something warm for lunch, I certainly wouldn’t be spending money on a device to tell me what year the movie “Big Business” was released. (1988, in case you don’t have your own talking home computer device.)

I still maintain that I am unimpressed with either of these devices. When they can make my meals at a voice command, then I may start taking an interest. For now, they are very expensive joke and trivia machines that will eventually rebel against all humans in our household and build an army with the ninja blender. I know this because I’ve heard them whispering to each other.

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Alexa?! Alexa?! ALEXA?!!

I keep reading stories about how people who own an Amazon Echo device should be concerned about a loss of privacy with its constant voice monitoring system. 

Anyone writing these articles obviously doesn’t own an Amazon Echo device, otherwise they’d know what my family already knows… it barely understands a word you’re saying. 

Example at our house on a Friday night:

“Alexa, play Kraftwerk.”

“Now playing Men at Work.”

“No! Play Kraftwerk!”

“Captain Kirk is the fictional captain of…”

“NOOO!!!!”

Indestructible

My husband started the morning by showing our young boys the indestructible power of an old Commodore 64 joystick. Now, I could write about how we are low on money and I eat mostly crackers at the end of the month just to save while apparently my husband NEEDS to buy two old Commodore joysticks for the Commodore that collects dust on our shelf and is never played…

But that’s not what this is about.

No, this post is about the dangers of letting young boys know that something has been labeled ‘indestructible.’ This word doesn’t exist in a young person’s vocabulary. Instead, it is automatically processed as a challenge. I have a feeling that even though these joysticks aren’t hooked up, they won’t last long.

My son likes to tell the story of a friend who claimed his new phone case protected his phone so that the screen would never break, and then demonstrated this by throwing his phone directly on the edge of a piece of concrete where it of course the screen was completely crushed.

I think this destructive habit never really goes away in boys or men. It’s the reason fireworks sales are huge.

Once at the optometrist, a man in front of me complained to the receptionist that he was not happy with his ‘indestructible’ glasses. He said, ‘I throwed ’em on the floor, stomped on ’em with my boots and the lenses got all scratched up!’

Again, it’s not a selling point, it’s a challenge. A challenge that should be reserved for water balloons or pie. Cause at least that would make me laugh.

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Public Service Announcement for Parents

Heads up. My kids have been singing this since November. Apparently it’s getting even bigger. Warning: Extremely stupid…. but extremely catchy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is you’ve been warned. Embrace it or buy some noise-cancelling headphones.

Models don’t go outside 

I keep buying winter hats that look great on the models in the ads, but terrible on me. Sadly, it took me this long to realize that NO ONE looks good in a winter hat in real life because no one smiles when they’re out in the cold. We all have sinuses and flu symptoms. 

Commercials in another country

Even though I’ve lived in Sweden for almost 17 years now, I still see many commercials through the eyes of an American laughing hysterically at weird “foreign” ads. But honestly, how can I not when things like this are common?

This is an ad for a glassses company.

And this is an ad for a mobile phone company.

Christmas tree plundering

 

Today is Knut’s Day, January 13, where many Swedes celebrate julgransplundring (‘Christmas tree plundering’), stripping the tree of its ornaments and throwing it out of the window. As that’s not very nice to the environment, most people take it to a recycling center these days.

We have gone to a few Christmas plundering events. Lots of food and songs and dancing around the tree.

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Also, I have to admit that when we lived by a forest, I threw the Christmas tree off the balcony ever year from the second story window. These days, we have a silver plastic tree, so no mess to clean and we just keep it in the storage room.

Face/Off

I did one of those Face Swap photos on the phone the other day with my 9-yr old son. They always leave the faces looking quite distorted, so my son said,

“Mamma, no offense, but I don’t want your face.”

I laughed and said that was just fine, but then he continued:

“So now I don’t need to cut it off and wear it over my own face.”

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(As usual, it’s amazing how statements like these tend to give you an area all to yourself on the subway.)

 

 

 

Suspicious article

I have a feeling my kids snuck this article into “The Local.”

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Extinct giant cows return to Europe

They’re heiffing mad and they’re not going to take your bull any longer.

 

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My blessed child

Our family was playing a board game together on New Year’s Eve. My youngest son needed to draw a certain type of card for his next turn. He said:

“Please God, let me draw the right card!”

I said, “God probably has more important things to do than help you find a game card.”

He then drew exactly the card he was hoping for and yelled, “No he doesn’t!”

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Quiet? I don’t know the word

I’ve spent the last 5 days alone with the kids and their various friends who come over to visit. My life has a running background soundtrack of Pokémon, Minecraft and Skylanders. It’s non-stop.

How can they talk this long? It can’t be possible.

They might not be human.

Also, you know when you get a snippet of some annoying song in your head? Well, I’ve had that experience at various points all week when that happens with a live chorus. They can repeat one song line over and over and never stop until someone (me) goes crazy.

Examples:

“Ducktales, woo-hoo!  … Ducktales, woo-hoo! … Ducktales, woo-hoo!”

(No other lines, just that line…. OVER AND OVER)

“Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for toys and time for cheer.
Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for toys and time for cheer.
Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for toys and time for cheer.Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for toys and time for cheer.”

(As if the entire song wouldn’t have driven you crazy anyway, now it’s just the one line.)

I’m just writing this down so it’s understood that when I start writing complete nonsense soon, people will understand how I lost my mind.

(I’d like to add that I was interrupted while writing this for my youngest child to say, “There’s this video with a dinosaur and he goes EEE! EEE! EEE! and then the other dinosaur goes “GEE GEE GEE!” …. which is now causing 3 children in the next room to start screaming/singing EEE EEE EEE! GEE! GEE! GEE!)

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Why I can’t seriously look for work

Because when I read ads like this,

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all I can think of is this…

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Spara

From all of us, to all of you …

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Merry Victorian Christmas pt. 4

Who do you think Sophisticated Beet Man is bringing this Christmas greeting to? If it’s Demure Carrot Woman, then he’s out of luck because she’s spending Christmas with Distinguished Onion Fellow.

 

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Christmas in Sweden – Santa

In Sweden, Santa delivers gifts personally.

Santa visits Swedish homes (after Donald Duck) to hand out gifts personally to the kids. Unfortunately, this usually happens after dad or another male member of the family has just stepped out to check for the newspaper and he misses Santa every year.

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When my husband (often the only adult male at our Christmas celebrations) found out that the American Santa Claus visits children while they sleep, he happily accepted that tradition instead and that’s how our family celebrates.

 

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