Discount Airlines

Let me tell you a little story about a trip we took on one of these discount airlines.  To protect the airlines identity, I’ll call them Lyin Air.

We chose Lyin Air because we found a price to our destination that was incredibly low and because it was hard to believe anything could be that bad.  We thought wrong.

Lyin Air is “conveniently located” at Skavsta Airport – over an hour from Stockholm.  Skavsta “airport” is really just an old warehouse hanger with no order to it at all.  People either mill around or buy an overpriced soggy sandwich and dream of Starbucks at Arlanda airport.

Lyin Air does not assign seats.  This is a terrible idea.  You either stand in line hours before as if you were waiting for concert tickets, or suffer the consequence of being seated next to the bathroom between a man who doesn’t believe in showers and a screaming baby.

Once the door is open, however, the line matters not.  It’s a mad dash for the airplane, which is parked on the tarmac.  Whoever is the fastest gets the best seats.  Sorry grandma!

Even if you manage to get the seat you wanted, there will be no rest.  I have never in my life experienced seats that close together and without seat pockets.  How much money can you save on seat pockets?

Once the plane is in the air, it turns into a crowded baseball game.  I kid you not, the crew walk up and down the aisle constantly yelling, “candy, drinks, smokeless cigarettes?”   It never ends.  I made the mistake of asking for a coke.  A third of a coke can costs 4 dollars.

Once the flight touches down, a trumpet fanfare plays.  What is the meaning behind this?  It’s like when people clap after a particularly bumpy flight where they were all convinced they were going to die.  Is the trumpet fanfare to celebrate that we actually made it?  Because that’s the only thing going through my head.

Never again Lyin Air!  I will pay the extra hundred dollars for my assigned seat, Starbucks and piece of mind.

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