Category Archives: beauty

Why we aren’t allowed in the makeup section

This is what happens when you need to shop for lipstick and leave your kids alone for 5 minutes.

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Decorate your balcony… by moving somewhere else

I’m looking up ideas to decorate our balcony for the summer. I came across this list of beautiful balconies. I like the balcony pictured here, but I have a feeling there’s just something about it that’s lacking in my own balcony.  Oh yes, I think I’ve got it now…. this balcony looks over the Italian coast and my balcony looks over another apartment building with a fat man who never wears a shirt. Might be hard to acheive the same look.

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Flea market finds

At a flea market in Lisbon last weekend. If only it could have fit in my suitcase.

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Spara

Ah, the comforting sound of the… peacock?

On our upcoming trip to Portugal, our hotel shows photos of peacocks that roam the walls and streets of the area. This was charming and exotic when we booked, but lately, I’ve been reminded of the sound a peacock makes. This may not be the relaxing trip we were hoping for.

Face/Off

I did one of those Face Swap photos on the phone the other day with my 9-yr old son. They always leave the faces looking quite distorted, so my son said,

“Mamma, no offense, but I don’t want your face.”

I laughed and said that was just fine, but then he continued:

“So now I don’t need to cut it off and wear it over my own face.”

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(As usual, it’s amazing how statements like these tend to give you an area all to yourself on the subway.)

 

 

 

Kids don’t like my costume suggestions

It’s Halloween time again. I found these great costumes from the 70s for our kids to wear. Apparently, they are refusing on the grounds of:

  1. “We have no idea who Mr. Kotter or Donnie & Marie are.”
  2. Those are the saddest, lamest costumes ever.

 

Ungrateful kids.

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Eye troll

For the second time in a month, I’ve gotten a nasty eye infection. Yes, yes I know it’s my makeup and it’s all been thrown out now to make way for new, fresh, not-digsuting-bacteria-contaminated makeup.

The eye infection causes my eyes to swell up, turn red and develop hideous bags that go into my cheeks. I’ve taken to wearing one of those Venetian masks to the dinner table so that everyone can eat.

On Monday, we had some repair people coming to the house. I didn’t want to scare them and they had their own keys, so I took to the forest to pick blueberries for four hours.

It occured to me that I would have to go deep into the forest so as not to frighten joggers and small children. I already had a vision of someone coming up to me, tapping me on the shoulder and then running away in horror as I turned my freakish head and hissed.

We live in Scandinavia where there are numerous tales of gnomes and trolls living in the forest. I’m starting to realize where some of these tales may have originated.

My eyes are healing now and I feel confident enough to head out into society where I can buy some fresh makeup. I was a bit afraid they wouldn’t sell it to me during the height of my infection and ask me to leave the store by the back door. In which case, I would have turned them into billy goats or demanded they answer a riddle before I left.

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Unsuccessful soap ad

You think maybe they had a falling out with their advertising illustrator?

 

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Butt roll-on with fox scent

I’ve been doing some translating work on beauty products this week and thought I would share with you how tricky it can be at times.

This particular company has a translating system that already uses a program with a few mistakes I have to correct. Sometimes it’s close and sometimes I get things like this:

“This perfume has scents of lavender, daffodil and fox.”

or

“Nike Butt roll-on for the active man!”

Honestly, it says ‘But roll-on’ because “men” in Swedish is “but,” however, it’s hard not to read the product as a roll-on for butts every time I see it. New idea for a product? You heard it here first!

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Every scar tells a story

I see this phrase often, so let’s give it a try.

“Once upon a time, I cut my ankle while shaving my legs in the shower. And then it happened again, and again, and again, and then I decided I should probably be slower and more careful. The end.”

I don’t know. I think that story sucks.

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The best of false advertising

Yesterday, I wrote about false advertising. Looking up the most famous examples took me down a wonderful rabbit hole of the worst offenders. It made me laugh, so I thought I’d share the best examples with you:

wrinkles

icecream

rabbi

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Creepy advertising

Funeral home ad from a newspaper in Texas.

To answer their question … probably that guy in the picture… or at least that’s the message I get from this ad.

RUN AWAY LADY!

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Late night questions

Last night’s very important question from my son after going to bed:

“Mamma, would you rather have teeth for hands or hands for teeth?”

(Teeth for hands, of course.)

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Pizza Hatt

In Stockholm, many businesses can be found in one building. While looking for directions to a doctor’s appointment, I noticed that the address was listed as a place called “Pizza Hatt.”

First, I will state the obvious, in that the owners are hoping a few people will be confused between the words Hut and Hatt and will just give up and eat there once they arrive.

Second, I was very disappointed I was not offered pizza at my doctor’s appointment.

And finally, a friend of mine sent me this picture as she was convinced the place must sell actual Pizza Hats.

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The problem with Google Analytics

We all know that Google and other websites monitor our searches and interests in order to tailor product ads to our needs (as well as other things). While having ads tailored to you isn’t the worst thing in the world, it is annoying that I have to think twice before searching for something because of the nagging knowledge that Google will think I’m “into that.”

Today’s example:

For a haircare translation project I’m working on, I came across a product that I translated as working well for dandruff and “hair fungus.” I had (thankfully) never heard of hair fungus, so I looked it up to make sure it was actually a real thing and that I wasn’t mis-translating.

Yes, it’s a real thing and now the internet thinks I have hair fungus. The sacrifices we make for work sometimes.

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