Tag Archives: airplane

Pig history

I’ve been reading “The Wright Brothers” by David McCullough this week, and while it’s a great book and I never realized how great and amazing these brothers and their family were, today I came across this picture.

Where is the biography on this pig?!  Did this pig have a helpful and supportive pig sister? Did the other pigs say, “You’ll never do it, pigs can’t fly!”  Was this pig celebrated in France? I need this book. If no one else is going to write it, it may be up to me.

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Flying with my new Polish friend

My 9 hour flight to London next to a very drunk Polish guy.  Each hour, new words of wisdom:

Hour 1: “I did not choose this seat.  I was pushed!  Excuse me, I often vomit during the flight.”

Hour 2: “My friends and I drink many drinks at this Ruby Tuesday.  You know this place?  Many drinks there.  Then we go to airport lounge.  Many drinks there too.  Excuse me, flight attendant, can I have some wine?”

Hour 3: “You know Wild West Bar in Houston?  You don’t?  What is wrong with you?  This is dancing.  Step, step, step.  This is easy.  Why you not go here?”

Hour 4:  “Galveston. You know Galveston?  Good bar there.  Next to big white building.  You no go to bars there?  Is good bar.  Is strip club.”

Hour 5: “I go to helicopter rescue class.  You take vomit bag from plane, blow air in and then you have one breath air if you go underwater.  Is good to know, yes?”

Hour 6:  “What is this magazine you are reading? These women are not pretty.  Polish women are pretty!  All Polish women blonde and tall.  Very beautiful.”

Hour 7:  (He dozes off….  suddenly we have turbulence…)  “Maybe this is last flight we ever take.”  (back to sleep)

Hour 8-9:  {Tries to sleep on my shoulder. 30 minutes ensues of pushing and jabbing to get him back into his own seat.)

Flight lands.  Polish guy too hung over to talk anymore.  Departs to entertain his next flight.

drinkplan

Discount Airlines

Let me tell you a little story about a trip we took on one of these discount airlines.  To protect the airlines identity, I’ll call them Lyin Air.

We chose Lyin Air because we found a price to our destination that was incredibly low and because it was hard to believe anything could be that bad.  We thought wrong.

Lyin Air is “conveniently located” at Skavsta Airport – over an hour from Stockholm.  Skavsta “airport” is really just an old warehouse hanger with no order to it at all.  People either mill around or buy an overpriced soggy sandwich and dream of Starbucks at Arlanda airport.

Lyin Air does not assign seats.  This is a terrible idea.  You either stand in line hours before as if you were waiting for concert tickets, or suffer the consequence of being seated next to the bathroom between a man who doesn’t believe in showers and a screaming baby.

Once the door is open, however, the line matters not.  It’s a mad dash for the airplane, which is parked on the tarmac.  Whoever is the fastest gets the best seats.  Sorry grandma!

Even if you manage to get the seat you wanted, there will be no rest.  I have never in my life experienced seats that close together and without seat pockets.  How much money can you save on seat pockets?

Once the plane is in the air, it turns into a crowded baseball game.  I kid you not, the crew walk up and down the aisle constantly yelling, “candy, drinks, smokeless cigarettes?”   It never ends.  I made the mistake of asking for a coke.  A third of a coke can costs 4 dollars.

Once the flight touches down, a trumpet fanfare plays.  What is the meaning behind this?  It’s like when people clap after a particularly bumpy flight where they were all convinced they were going to die.  Is the trumpet fanfare to celebrate that we actually made it?  Because that’s the only thing going through my head.

Never again Lyin Air!  I will pay the extra hundred dollars for my assigned seat, Starbucks and piece of mind.

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