Tag Archives: health

Pay this if you want to live

I was reading our national newspaper (Dagens Nyheter) online last week and clicked on an article called “How to Change Your Lifestyle to Prevent a Stroke.” But when I clicked on the article, I got a message saying I had to pay to view the rest of the content.

I imagine hospitals around the country are now receiving stroke patients and saying, “There’s another one who didn’t want to pay the online newspaper fee. What a shame.”

I’m doomed.

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The secret to happiness

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Stock Footage Man, you will die!

News from Swedish researchers today claim that tall people are more prone to developing cancer. All I could think of in this article was this poor tall man in the stock footage photo the paper chose to run with the story. How do you think he feels seeing his picture and a headline below that basically says he’s going to die of cancer? “I was just walking down the street, man!”

In other news, I may not be able to see over people’s heads at crowded concerts, but maybe I’ll at least outlive them!

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How to better your life by laziness

People often ask me:

“Do you want fries with that?”

They also ask me how I keep in such good shape (as far as they can tell).

Well, let me share a few secrets with you.

1. Keep your car parked a 10 minute walk away from your home. This helps you to either walk or use the bus, which is much closer while also helping the environment!

2. Don’t keep soda and candy around the house. Keep it all at the grocery store another 10 minutes away (near the car). When faced with wanting a coke or ice cream, I think about the 10 minute walk – sometimes in the snow – and decide I’ll just go to bed instead.

3. Only work a part-time job so you won’t have enough money for a real lunch. Eat from the free work fruit basket.

4. Be too cheap to buy a subway card. Walk everywhere.

If you follow these lazy simple steps, you too can eat less and help the environment!

You’re welcome.

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How many alcoholics feel after the weekend

The Liver – Closed for Repairs

 

 

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Cuddle up with a disease

My kids didn’t want these stuffed animals I found.  I don’t know why.

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Defending my tooth honor

As I was looking at my bottle of Listerine mouth wash yesterday, I noticed that the name “Listerine Flouride” has now been changed to “TEETH DEFENCE!”  I used to just rinse my mouth peacefully before bedtime, but now when I rinse, I feel I’m sending an army to battle:

Go around to the left flank and attack that incisor!  Quick troops – to the front and the canines!   NO!  Company 13 has been wiped out by the plaque offense!  Retreat!  Retreat!  We will never forget.

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Things I learned today

 

1. Apple cider vinegar can turn your skin red

2. If you put an egg in your hair and rinse with warm water, it will cook.

Conditioning hair and making breakfast at the same time!

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