Tag Archives: job

Stakeholders

Every time I read a job ad that includes any mention of “stakeholders,” I just think of an angry mob chasing Dracula and then I forget what the job was about.

Librarian work is way more exciting than I thought

This job ad came up over the weekend. It’s for a library assistant. I think they’ll get a lot of applicants now.

Screen Shot 2016-02-12 at 09.31.23.png

Available jobs in Stockholm

I work two part-time extra time jobs here in Stockholm, so sometimes I check to see if there might be a third extra time job I might be able to do. Checking job ads here gets very distracting though. Let me give you today’s examples along with my comments:
German-speaking debt collection agent   (“Geld! Schnell!”  I think I can get this one)

Professional Dog Walker  (Professional? )

Chinese nail therapist   (1. Why Chinese? 2. Do I just help nails to deal with their social issues?)

Thai Massage   (No thanks)

Team member for food truck “The Good Gringo”  The Good Gringo is on a mission to share with you what a burrito should be.

( I fully support this mission)

profdog

87.5 and not one minute more!

Sweden is great because sometimes you can get 50% jobs as well as 75% jobs.  It works out well especially if you have kids to pick up from daycare or take to activities.

I think this one is going a bit too far though.

87.5% – What kind of random strange percentage is this?  Not 88!  Not 90!  We have calculated it to the very minute and you better not work one minute more!

Screen Shot 2014-09-22 at 09.08.52

Deciphering job ads

I’m looking for something part-time to supplement my translating work.  I like the ads that are straight and to the point.  Too many of them are full of double-speak and fancy wording for menial work.  Let me decipher this for you:

-Provide administrative support and briefings to senior management ( Bring coffee and donuts at the Monday meeting.)

-Organise and coordinate internal and external meetings, preparing agendas, transcribing minutes, reception of visitors  (Book the meeting room, which takes 2 seconds but somehow the “suits” can’t do that on their own, sit in the back with a laptop or pen & paper so we look fancy even though we could just record this and store it in a sound file, sit at the front desk so no one steals our flowers.)

-Support the procurement processes within a specific programme (order paperclips online from Office Depot)

-Perform various other administrative tasks as deemed necessary (We’re gonna need more donuts.)

 

alterad

Advantages of working from home

Hugh Hefner has it right.  It’s great working from home because you can wear a bathrobe all day.

Now where’s my martini?!

hef-with-red-robe

If my job doesn’t work out…

…there are always other options.

pecans

Starting a company is better with a lot of money – who knew?!

I’m starting my own company to translate documents from Swedish to English.  (send me your business — now that’s enough for the commercial).  So I went down to my favorite place – the unemployment office – to discuss programs about getting support during the start-up phase.  The response from the woman I talked to:

“Well, it would be easier to just get a job and start your company on the side.”

Wow!  Get a job?!  What a unique idea!  I’ll just go do that real quick.  What on earth have I been doing for the past 6 months anyway?  I should have thought about this whole “get a job” thing!

Thanks again unemployment office.  Your logic fails my goals, but at least it gives me lots of good writing material.

job

Expert in Influenza and other Respiratory Diseases

Still looking for jobs.  I noticed this headline.  So do you think if I walk in there with a raspy voice, fever and constant sneezing, I’ll get the job?

flu

VD

Even after all my years here, it’s still hard to remember when I am reading job ads that VD means the CEO of a company in Swedish and not “venereal disease” as it does in English.

vd

Sausage Man

An ad is out now looking for a “sausage man.”  Man who sells sausages or man MADE OF SAUSAGES?!!??!

sasauges

Salesman of the Future

An ad today is looking for a “salesman of the future.”  I fully plan to apply dressed in tin foil and and talking like a robot.

andro.jpg.728x520_q85

English vs. Italian

I’ve been looking through the job bank at opportunities for one of my Italian friends looking for a new job.  I noticed that when I look for an English speaking job, it’s mostly call centers and teaching (I guess we like to talk).  But when I look up jobs for my Italian friend, all the ads are for food or wine experts.  Even the job ads are biased.  I’ve really got to learn more Italian so I can get paid to rate wine all day.

My mind is more exciting than the truth

Job searching (there might be a lot of posts about this coming up).  I saw an ad that said “Trainee BI.”  This means trainee in Business Intelligence.  However, I started thinking it was a fun way to write “Trainee Bee.”  I thought I might get to wear a bee costume for some fun party place.  I knew I was probably wrong but clicked the ad just in case on the off chance that someone saw things the way I did.  They didn’t.

beefeet

Jobs

Looking through job ads today.  I was very intrigued by the ad for someone to organize umbrellas.  What a great job!  I wonder who you organize the umbrellas for?  Is this about those people I always see when it rains trying to sell umbrellas?  Where do they come from anyway?  What do they do on sunny days?  I could do that job.  I’d feel like a hero.  Look to me fellow city dwellers!  I shall protect you from this horrid rain!  I have the answer to all of your problems!

But then I found out that “umbrella” is some new internet term.  What a disappointment.  Considering sending an application anyway describing the 4 umbrellas I have at home and how well they are organized.  You never know.

 

Plan B

My co-worker received a phone call last week from a customer who could not get the product she wanted because it was sold out.

“What will I do now?”  the woman said, “I really needed that!”

“You’ll just have to go to Plan B,” said my co-worker.

“What’s Plan B?” said the woman.

“Plan B is just whatever backup you have.  It means you have to have another plan for this.”

The woman answered, “But you didn’t give me a Plan B!”

 

Pop the cork, it’s time to work

One great thing about Stockholm.  Every job I’ve worked at, there’s always a bottle of champagne in the fridge.

%d bloggers like this: