Tag Archives: life

Gifts for enemies

It’s the giving season! I’ve picked out this special gift for a number of people on my enemies Christmas list!

  • Bus driver who didn’t stop for my son and I in the rain
  • Old lady telling me how to raise my kids after meeting me for 5 seconds
  • Every person who takes up several seats at my kids’ school performances with their coats and bags and says, “These seats are saved!”

This is my special Christmas gift to them. Luckily, you can order several packages so there are enough for everyone!

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It still beats roaches

We had a slight bit of a scorpion problem while renting an apartment in Italy last week. However, I still prefer scorpions to giant Texas tree roaches. Scorpions somehow seem more sophisticated.

Because of my respect for the majestic scorpion, I chose to catch and release the two we found by throwing them out of our third floor window.

It was only later that I remembered there was a restaurant with outdoor seating directly below us.

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A passion for chainsaws

These job ads get more specific every day. Today’s copywriting ad states that they would prefer an applicant who is really into chainsaws.

If I come dressed as this guy, do you think I’ll get the job?

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Yes.

I never read the context of these articles. I pretend they are direct questions posted to me and then I answer them. On to the next headline…

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Always be prepared

Sometimes I think I might have a touch of obsessive compulsive disorder, but then I remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with me except the fact that I keep certain commercials in my head. Let me explain:

There was a commercial running for a while here in Sweden for a coffee company reminding everyone that you should always have coffee on hand because you never know when someone might be dropping by. Example:

So now every time we’re out of hand soap, or there’s some food in the sink, or some crumbs left on the coffee table, all I can think of is, “What if the King stops by to visit?” “What if my favorite band happens to be staying in my apartment building and comes in to use the bathroom?” And then I have to make sure everything is clean.  (Having coffee is actually never a problem in any Swedish home. EVERYONE has coffee always. It’s the law.)

So it’s not my fault I’ve become obsessive about cleaning. It’s T.V.

 

 

Advancement of our civilization

Sometimes I think about the hard-working farmers hundreds of years ago, constantly working the land to feed the family and earn enough money to survive. I think about people working all day, sweating in mills or factories to make a decent wage. I think about explorers, facing harsh conditions, hunting for food and making discoveries to further our civilization.

And then I fast-forward to today and realize that there’s a Finnish guy on YouTube making money by posting videos smashing various objects with a hydraulic press. And he has over 1.7 million followers.

 

Everything was better in the …

… insert decade here.

I’m sure you’ve gotten one of these emails before, or seen a post on Facebook about how much better it was in the 1950s.

“We didn’t have to wear seatbelts!”  “Our kids could run and play in the neighborhood all day!” “Families ate dinner together!” “Kids listened to their parents!”

Besides the idiotic ‘no seatbelt’ thing, our family has all of these today, so anyone longing for this time should focus more on their own behavior rather than a particular decade.

And of course those emails never mention the horrible racial discrimination, the Cold War, polio, … the list goes on and on. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make today.

Today, I was thinking of what people might say to each other in a few more years when their memories fade and perhaps “The 80s” will be the golden decade.

The reason I started thinking about this is because this morning, I asked a friend of mine how she was doing and she replied, “I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

And that’s where the argument for the 80s starts to take shape. No one dropped their phone in the toilet in the 80s. Most people didn’t have a mobile phone and if they did, tit was too big to fit in the toilet.

Let’s see, what else could they say to glorify the 80s?

  • Our phones were shaped like Snoopy and Garfield.
  • Lots of arcades and pinball machines.
  • When you popped in a video game to your console, it started immediately. We didn’t have to wait for updates.

I’m afraid I’m stuck now, but you get the idea. However, if they really get those pizza delievery drones to work, I don’t think anyone will be arguing that the past was ever better than the present.

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In the year 2024…

My son asked me the other day, “Will you be alive in 2024?”

Umm… I hope so?

This was his opening question before telling me that WE are going to live on Mars in 2024.  His brother walked up and corrected him, saying that “we” meant humans, and that our family would probably not be up there in 10 years.

I’m glad his brother was there to continue the conversation.  I still haven’t gotten past the question of living until 2024.  Does he know something I don’t?

martiancolony

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