According to my kids, here are the reasons I’m a bad parent this week:
- Ordered clouds to block view of SuperMoon in Sweden.
- Did not buy chewable Vitamin D, but nasty adult swallow-type pills.
- Forgetting 5-day Pokemon catching streak and having to start over.
My kids have it very hard. I hope child services won’t be called.
On the plus side, I did agree to protect them from the evil eye of Cthulu’s heart, should he ever emerge from the depths of the Earth, so I gained a few points with the kids there.
I asked my son what I thought would be a fun question the other day:
“If I were a cartoon character, who would I be?”
His answer, with no hesitation, was “Donald Duck.”
Apparently I am hot-tempered, hard to understand and do not wear pants. (Ok, maybe not the last one, at least not on weekdays.)
I think the main lesson from this is not how to control my temper and voice, but simply never to ask your children what they think of you.
7:30 – 8:30 am – Feed kids. Dress them in super arctic daycare gear. Realize 5 year old forgot to go to bathroom. Take off all super artic daycare gear and replace 5 minutes later.
8:45 am– Drop kids off at daycare. Carry empty purse so it looks like I’m going to work or somewhere important. Must convince daycare staff that I have things to do and am not going home to watch t.v. and drink hot chocolate.
9 am– 3 pm- Watch t.v.. Drink hot chocolate.
3pm – Wear different coat and hat to daycare to try to fool staff into thinking I’m a different parent. Don’t want to hear what my kids did wrong today. Grab kids, sneak out gate.
3:15 pm- Take kids to grocery store. Direct their attention to animatronic monkeys in the banana section while I grab some ice cream and chocolate. If kids discover ice cream and chocolate, I tell them it’s a present for someone else.
5 pm – Convince children that watching their mother play video games is fun for the whole family. Ease my conscience by pointing out names of things on screen and believing that to be educational.
6 pm – Fix dinner. Place pieces of food on ground like garbage and tell 2-year old not to touch. This is the only way to get him to eat his fruits and vegetables.
7 pm – 8 pm – Check email while husband convinces kids that watching their father play video games is fun and educational. Write family and friends back home about exciting and adventerous life in Europe.
9 pm – Put kids to bed with relaxing 50s Rockabilly music. Fall asleep on couch at 9:15.