Otherwise entitled “My son does not appreciate my humor.”
My oldest son has been away at summer camp this week. We will be picking him up today so I sent him this:
He now requests that I wait in the car.
The other day, my husband and I walked down to the post office (a ten minute walk) to pick up some packages. Before we left, we told our television watching 8 and 10 year old that we were running to the post office and would be right back. They looked directly at us and said, “ok.”
When we arrived at the post office, my husband got a message from his mother:
“I just called your house and asked for you. The kids say they have no idea where you both went or when you will be back. They were surprised you were gone.”
On one hand, I think, “Wow, they really don’t pay attention to anything.”
On the other hand, I think, “Hmm…. I wonder if we could sneak out to catch a movie.”
There’s a parent at my kid’s school that is ….. hm…. how shall we say….. not a nice person.
I am doing my best to always be nice and polite but I really don’t want to deal with this person. That’s why I’ve come up with a great idea. Let me know what you think about this:
I’m making myself a “Don’t Mess With Texas” shirt to wear up there when I pick up my kid in the afternoons. I’m also going to wear sunglasses and sharp spurs on my winter boots.
And I’ll chew on a toothpick.
Then I’ll just walk in each afternoon and go, “Son! Giddyup!”
And stroll out.
Today in our local paper, there is a letter written by a woman complaining that she wants to breast feed her child for 2 years and it’s UNFAIR that the Swedish government ONLY gives her 15 months of paid parental time off work. It should be a full 2 years, she says.
Americans, please get this woman’s information from me to write and let her know how much time the rest of the world gets off work when they have children.
My son forgot his fruit to take to school today. When he and my husband left, I suddenly remembered and banged on the window to get their attention. I threw an orange out of the window. It was smashed. I really thought oranges were stronger than that.
It could also be because we live in the third floor, but really, I thought it would make it.
I’m going to need to find some more sturdy fruits if I plan to keep throwing these out the window. Good thing he didn’t forget his hot chocolate.
7:30 – 8:30 am – Feed kids. Dress them in super arctic daycare gear. Realize 5 year old forgot to go to bathroom. Take off all super artic daycare gear and replace 5 minutes later.
8:45 am– Drop kids off at daycare. Carry empty purse so it looks like I’m going to work or somewhere important. Must convince daycare staff that I have things to do and am not going home to watch t.v. and drink hot chocolate.
9 am– 3 pm- Watch t.v.. Drink hot chocolate.
3pm – Wear different coat and hat to daycare to try to fool staff into thinking I’m a different parent. Don’t want to hear what my kids did wrong today. Grab kids, sneak out gate.
3:15 pm- Take kids to grocery store. Direct their attention to animatronic monkeys in the banana section while I grab some ice cream and chocolate. If kids discover ice cream and chocolate, I tell them it’s a present for someone else.
5 pm – Convince children that watching their mother play video games is fun for the whole family. Ease my conscience by pointing out names of things on screen and believing that to be educational.
6 pm – Fix dinner. Place pieces of food on ground like garbage and tell 2-year old not to touch. This is the only way to get him to eat his fruits and vegetables.
7 pm – 8 pm – Check email while husband convinces kids that watching their father play video games is fun and educational. Write family and friends back home about exciting and adventerous life in Europe.
9 pm – Put kids to bed with relaxing 50s Rockabilly music. Fall asleep on couch at 9:15.