My son had a good dentist appointment this week and the dentist gave him a new toothbrush when he left. He took it out of the wrapper and slowly ran his fingers up and down, over the top.
“This is so soft. It’s like when I touch your toothbrush. It’s soft under my fingers. My old toothbrush feels like straw.”
I realized I hadn’t replaced the kids’ toothbrushes in a while. I told my son that I didn’t know his toothbrush was so hard, and that he should remind me to replace it more often.
I gave him a hug and told him he could go on ahead of me to see if his neighborhood friend was home. As I watched him run down the sidewalk, I thought about how happy I was that he didn’t have to suffer through all the problems I had at his age with my teeth. What a healthy kid. He eats well, exercises and….
Wait a minute.
“Why are you touching my toothbrush?!”
Last night’s very important question from my son after going to bed:
“Mamma, would you rather have teeth for hands or hands for teeth?”
(Teeth for hands, of course.)
I saw a dentist office with a video screen facing outside the window showing tools digging through people’s mouths. Why would this encourage me to visit that particular office? I don’t see hospitals with Jumbo Trons outside showing gallbladder surgery.
“Hmm…I like that they use the Pembroke scalpel. Maybe I’ll switch places.”
Just put a sign up, Dentists. We go to you for YOU to look in our mouth because we don’t want to and we sure don’t want to see everyone else’s. Save your videos for the Christmas party and scrape off my plaque.
Why can’t my toothpaste look like this? I really don’t understand why adult toothpaste can’t have cool pictures too. We could have cool characters from our shows just like kids do:
Walter White Toothpaste, whitening power! (toothpaste color is blue).
Rick Grime’s Zombie Clean (get that grime off your teeth!)
Sherlock Holmes Mystery Paste (shows where the plaque is when you put it on)
The possibilites are endless.
As I was looking at my bottle of Listerine mouth wash yesterday, I noticed that the name “Listerine Flouride” has now been changed to “TEETH DEFENCE!” I used to just rinse my mouth peacefully before bedtime, but now when I rinse, I feel I’m sending an army to battle:
Go around to the left flank and attack that incisor! Quick troops – to the front and the canines! NO! Company 13 has been wiped out by the plaque offense! Retreat! Retreat! We will never forget.
In Swedish, the word for gums is tandkött, which translates to “tooth meat.” For some reason, this really bothers me. I can’t stand to hear things like, “When you brush, make sure you brush against the tooth meat.” Gums sound pink and rubbery. Tooth meat sounds ground up and bloody. I just can’t get used to it.
p.s. Never do a google image search on “tandkött.”