I’m back from 3 weeks in the states with a confused stomach and many new food observations. Today is all about pickles.
So pickle juice flavor is a thing in the U.S. now. Or at least in the south. I am a huge fan of pickles, but that’s as far as it goes. I have no interest in anything flavored with pickle juice and I honestly can’t imagine who would.
When I was young, my aunt knew that I liked pickles, so one day she made pickle jello for me. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted.
Now the U.S. is selling cans of Pringles chips in pickle flavor, and even worse, the restaurant Sonic is selling pickle slushies. WHY?!
Gee, it’s 100F outside here in Texas. You know what I’d like? A big cup of salty pickle juice!
I also happened upon pickle soda in one store. That’s just wrong.
These job ads get more specific every day. Today’s copywriting ad states that they would prefer an applicant who is really into chainsaws.
If I come dressed as this guy, do you think I’ll get the job?
You just don’t get lawyers like this in Sweden. This guy makes me want to commit a crime in Texas just so I can call.
While in Texas this summer, we took a trip to the state capitol of Austin. Here is what my 8-yr old had to say:
“Austin is the life. Swimming, macaroni and cheese, corn and a glass of water.”
I’m adding that to TripAdvisor of course.
When’s the last time you listened to AM Radio in East Texas? … Well that’s too long!
Commercials on AM Radio are the funniest thing out there. In addition to the poor quality, the subject matter of the area will make you laugh so hard you’ll have to pull to the side of the road. Let me give you two real examples of commercials we heard while listening to AM Radio:
1. Big Lou’s Term Life Insurance. You should buy life insurance from Big Lou because, “Big Lou. He’s just like you….. He’s on meds too.”
2. “Cowboy Catheter” A commercial for a personal catheter is always uncomfortable and difficult to listen to, but I had no idea there were catheters for every personality type! In this commerical, an old cowboy discusses why his cowboy catheter works for his cowboy lifestyle.
And BONUS! I just typed Cowboy Catheter into Google and there’s a video!
On our recent trip to Texas, I was in the grocery store buying a vegetable platter for a party. The man in line ahead of me bore a great resemblance to “Uncle Jesse” on the Dukes of Hazard, complete with blue jean overalls. He glanced at my vegetable plate and then turned to me and said, “I’d eat yer vegetables, but I ain’t got no teeth!”
(And sure enough, he did not have any teeth.)
Then, because apparently buying a vegetable platter means you’re a health food nut, he started in on why he doesn’t like sushi.
“I tried them sushi things once. Don’t care for ’em. I hear sushi gives ya worms.”
Thanks Uncle Jesse. You’ve just ruined both sushi and vegetables for me. This is why I’m looking forward to online grocery shopping.
I grew up in Baytown, Texas, just outside of Houston. I usually just tell people I’m from Houston since it’s more well known (and I pause for the required, “Houston, we have a problem” statement I get from each person thinking they’re the first ones to ever say that to me).
But now maybe Baytown is going to be on the map! As I googled the town today, I found this movie gem from just a few years back. Yep, once this movie catches on, I expect Baytown to be a tourist destination. I mean, look at the poster – it’s obviously high quality. I must have missed this movie’s Oscar nomination. It’s a proud moment for my hometown. (I think that guy in the tank top used to be my daycare teacher.)
It’s that time of year again! 4th of July – and we’re spending it in Texas.
Let me write the equivalent of a school essay to help explain the 4th of July for those outside the U.S.:
What the 4th of July Means to Me
The Fourth of July means many things to me, but most importantly, it means snow cones. Without snow cones, America wouldn’t be the country it is today.
A lot of Americans say that 4th of July of America’s birthday. A lot of Americans also say that ketchup is a vegetable.
The United States celebrates freedom in many ways. One of those ways is to fry any food they want, be it Oreos, butter or cheesecake. Another way is to wear horribly inappropriate summer clothing that really shouldn’t be on bodies eating all that fried food.
But the most popular thing on the 4th of July is the fireworks. Americans like shiny, loud things. And after the fireworks, we all spend the next hour cursing our parking choices as we sit for an hour trying to get out of the lot with complaining kids in the backseat.
Happy 4th of July America! Now where did I put my mosquito spray?
As anyone living in Texas or the southern U.S. knows, BlueBell ice cream is one of the best things to come out of Texas. Most Texans eat nothing else. Recently, Bluebell had to shut down and recall all products due to listeria concerns, causing Texans and southerners to stare at empty grocery shelves (and lose weight). Most Texans are blaming the recent devastating floods and storms in the state on the loss of BlueBell, claiming God is angry or God is crying. To sum up, Texans are loyal to BlueBell, and its disappearance is causing frustration and desperation. To get a feeling of the current attitude in Texas at the moment, one only has to visit the BlueBell Facebook site and read the comments. I’ve listed a few of my favorites here:
We are dying over here in Louisiana. WE. ARE. OUT. OF. ICE. CREAM.
Please hurry! I……must……..have……my……Blue…Bell……ice…cream……
I’ve been having to drink more beer to replace my ice cream intake.
Hurry, I’m losing weight!!!!
I haven’t eaten another other brand. Need to hurry up! God is crying and Houston is flooding.
We bought a freezer just to store BlueBell and deer/hog meat.
We are DYING here without our Blue Bell!! That other stuff just ain’t the SAME!
Oh noooooooo!!!! This could be traumatic and require therapy!
I remain faithful to Blue Bell. Wives? Not so much.
I cry a little more each day.
Honestly, I would be ok with getting sick or dying from BlueBell. The ice cream is worth it.
We tried another brand. Nasty.
I am having withdrawals in a bad way!! I may need some counseling if I do not get me some quickly!!!
Without Blue Bell, sex is our only alternative and we are getting tired.
Everything else is garbage.
I don’t care if it has ebola or e.coli or whatever, I want my ice cream now!!!
Shirt made by Doodle Bug Designs