Category Archives: Humor

Please refrain from discussing my underwear

Strangers are generally much more talkative in the U.S. than in Sweden. At times it can be nice to chat with someone. I might learn something new or come away with a funny story. At other times strangers’ interactions with me can become a little too intrusive.

For example, I was in Texas buying underwear. The salesperson said, “Have you tried this underwear before?”
“Um, no.”
“I have. It’s great. You should go change your underwear to this now.”
How do you respond to a statement like that? Also, maybe I’m already wearing some amazing underwear. Telling me to change my underwear is implying something is wrong with the current pair I’m wearing. One can’t just assume one pair of underwear is superior to any others.
Or should I ask what makes this underwear so great? Does it play music when I walk? Does it always keep a cool temperature of 19c?
I didn’t take the salesperson’s advice that day, but I do have to admit, the underwear I bought did turn out to be pretty great.
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Sweden – your new beach destination!

It’s HOT! Really hot! And you know it must be bad coming from someone who grew up in Texas and just got back from a vacation there.

We’ve had a bit of a heatwave here in Sweden over the past 2 weeks. Of course, I’m all for it so I can wear my sandals and jump in the lakes, but when you don’t have any air conditioning, it does become a bit of a problem.

All windows and doors are open, all of our 3 floor fans are on, (in fact I carry one with me wherever I go) but it’s still really unbearable indoors. But I know better than to complain. For 5 months out of the year I’m dressed in 3 layers and still freezing.

So I gladly welcome this new global warming, summer weather. Now if someone could make me a piña colada, I’ll be good to go the rest of the day.

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Apple pie burger

We were told to visit a popular burger place in East Texas that serves an Apple Pie Burger. I pictured a burger with an actual apple pie between the buns (honestly, it’s not that much of a stretch with some of the other crazy foods around there), but it was a burger with apple pie ingredients added – apple pieces, brown sugar and maple syrup bacon. It actually wasn’t that bad, though I prefer a regular burger.

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Pickle juice craze

I’m back from 3 weeks in the states with a confused stomach and many new food observations. Today is all about pickles.

So pickle juice flavor is a thing in the U.S. now. Or at least in the south. I am a huge fan of pickles, but that’s as far as it goes. I have no interest in anything flavored with pickle juice and I honestly can’t imagine who would.

When I was young, my aunt knew that I liked pickles, so one day she made pickle jello for me. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted.

Now the U.S. is selling cans of Pringles chips in pickle flavor, and even worse, the restaurant Sonic is selling pickle slushies. WHY?!

Gee, it’s 100F outside here in Texas. You know what I’d like? A big cup of salty pickle juice!

I also happened upon pickle soda in one store. That’s just wrong.

Happy Father’s day!

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Happy Swedish mother’s day

Today is Swedish mother’s day and I got one present from my youngest son a day early when I picked him up yesterday afternoon.

Mamma, I got you a present.

(digs in pocket)

Here! It’s mascara! I found it just sitting on a wall by the street. It’s still got some in it! I thought you could use it to color in your eyebrows! You’d look cool with black eyebrows!

Thanks, son.

 

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Coca-Cola Revives and Sustains

I’m spending my morning looking for a list of Coke slogans on Wikipedia. No reason really, other than I got an old ad stuck in my head and started wondering if there could be any worse slogans. No big surprise. There are!

Let me share a few:

  • 1906 – The great national temperance beverage.
    I don’t know. It doesn’t really flow. Maybe if they sang it?

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  • 1910 – Whenever you see an Arrow, think of Coca-Cola.
    Um… ok… I will

    ARROWc

  • 1927 – Pure as Sunlight
    It’s not though.

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  • 1941 – Coca-Cola is Coke.
    Pure genius. Must have taken a lot of time to come up with.


 

We’ve got to grow it on her brow

My son, who has his bedroom adjacent to the kitchen where the radio plays, stomped out of his room very confused this morning.

“What kind of song is this? Why do they keep singing ‘we’ve got to grow it on her brow?’ I don’t get it! Grow what?!”

“Um, the lyrics are actually ‘we’ve got a groovy kind of love’ but I think I like your version better.”

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Fake freckles

My kid does this once a month to his face and all he needs is an old Sharpie marker. I’m not paying for a special “freckle marker.” This is going too far.

 

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Old tech, so complicated

We had a bunch of 10 and 11-year olds over for a birthday party last weekend. My husband collects old game systems, so we hooked up the original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System).

Unfortunately, with today’s modern televisions, the Duck Hunt gun no longer works accurately. The rest of the games could be played with no problem, but most kids could not understand how to start the games once the cartridge was in and the system on.

The kids would press A and then B on the controller, saying, “I don’t know how to start. How do you start?”

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(Reading and critical thinking – not a specialty of 10-year olds).

 

Are job ads getting dumber?

Am I too cynical or is it just impossible to take certain companies seriously when going through job application ads?

Today’s example:

We’re on a mission to take over the world, and we believe that the only way to succeed with that is by having the Hungriest Digital Tigers and Toughest Tech Lions available.

(Well, I’m a Cantakerous Copywriting Camel, so I guess I’m out.)

What Google created in 10 years, we will be creating in 6 months.

(I’d put my money on this company being bankrupt in 6 months.)

Just send your email to our Chief People Officer…

(Is this an actual job title? Is anyone questioning how ridiculous this sounds? ” Hello, Chief People Officer, I am the Overlord Writing Governor.”)

Just out of curiosity, I thought I would apply because:

  1. Aside from the lion and tiger thing, I had all the qualifications
  2. If this is their ad, what kind of stories will I come away with after an interview?”

So I went to their page and it turns out, applicants are required to apply word by word as the questions show up. Starting with:

We are looking for a Digital Copywriter. Press YES

(Ok, that answer doesn’t match the question, unless I’m agreeing that YES, you ARE looking for a digital copywriter.)

Then I get to read the ad again and am instructed to press CONTINUE

Then…

What is your first name? _________ PRESS OK.

Now, I can probably guess the next question, but I went ahead and exited the site instead.

 

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Modern nosy neighbors

It seems like Facebook neighborhood groups are just the modern form of the gossipy people who sit at home all day watching the street with nothing to do.

Typical posts for our neighborhood are:

“Does anybody know who cut down that tree?”

“I saw a gray cat by the grocery store. Did someone lose a cat?”

“There was a suspicious looking guy by the laundry room this morning. He didn’t do or say anything, but everyone should watch out!”

Did you think it was spring? SUCKERS!

Spent a lovely day on Sunday, here in Stockholm, taking a walk, going to a park and even petting farm animals. Spring was in the air. I even stopped at the flower display at the grocery store and considered buying something for the balcony.

Luckily, I’ve lived here long enough not to fall for it.

Sure enough, we woke up Monday morning to -2c and snow.

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Boring Sunday + 3D Printer =

My husband was so preoccupied with whether he could, he didn’t stop to think if he should.

Job hunting made fast

If you live in Stockholm and are a passionate cyclist…

NOPE. Next.

This is an ideal role to gain experience in the ….

So little or no pay. NOPE. Next.

 If you are excited by the fast paced change in the world of finance….
NOPE!
Are you someone who is comfortable working from home in pajamas?
yes

 

Killer Whale Karma

While watching “Blue Planet” with my son last night, we came upon a lovely part of the documentary about the migration of grey humpack whales. A mother was traveling at a slower pace in order for her newborn calf to keep up. It was very touching until…

THE KILLER WHALES SHOWED UP

A gang of 15 killer whales surrounded the mother and calf, spending 6 hours trying to drown the calf. Finally they succeeded and then swam off after only eating the calf’s jaw, leaving the heartbroken mother to travel alone.

So this got me thinking…

Were we too quick to condemn water parks for training killer whales for our entertainment? Did we look into why the human race started holding them in captivity in the first place? Because I’m thinking we must have made a deal with the peace-loving humpbacks to put those killer whales where they deserve to be. Entertaining children instead of drowning and eating them.

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The modern family

As I’m sitting here typing this in my nice comfy slippers from my iPad, my husband plays games on his RetroPie from the bed, my oldest son is using Skype to play Minecraft with his friend across town, and my youngest son is in a virtual reality world. Welcome to the future.

My current view as pictured above.

Full coverage!

Why does renting a car have to be such a procedure? If we already booked the car and filled in all of our information on the computer, why do we still have to fill it out AGAIN on paper once we get to the rental counter? Isn’t that what the computer was for? Check my license and give me my keys!

That’s just a general rant about every time we rent a car. In Italy, you can imagine how slow the paperwork is, mostly because they are marking all the damages that are ALREADY on the vehicle.

After being talked into a good deal for full coverage insurance on our rental car (and taking 15 minutes to fill out paperwork that was already in the computer), we made our way to the garage to pick up the car. Knowing that they don’t always mark every dent and scratch, we checked the car and found two scratches to report so that we would not be responsible once we were done with the car.

My husband went to report the scratches to the attendant, who was very reluctant to move from his chair. He took a look at the paperwork, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Is no problem. Who cares? You have full coverage. Run the car into a wall if you like.”

Our motto for the rest of the trip, while driving down narrow streets full of potholes was “Oh well – FULL COVERAGE!”

Indifferent Young Man

The little plane that could

As I mentioned before, my husband and I took a 4-day long anniversary trip to Italy this past weekend. With only 4 days, we wanted every minute to count, which turned out to be a problem when the Italians decided to strike at the Rome airport. Our plane was delayed 3 hours until they could confirm landing clearance, so we were given vouchers for food (that worked in every restaurant except the specific one we went to, of course), and boarded our plane later in the afternoon.

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Once the plane finished boarding and the doors were closed, it needed to be de-iced. The de-icing truck began to do its job and then ran out of de-icing liquid. We had to wait 20 minutes for another de-icing truck.

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Finally, the de-icing was complete and it was time for the plane to be pushed back from the gate. We slowly moved backwards and then stopped after just a few feet. The truck pushing the plane broke down and we had to wait 20 minutes for a replacement truck.

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The flight went smoothly after all the delays and we landed at Rome’s Fiumicino airport … only to wait on the tarmac an additional 20 minutes because of a plane in front of us.

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Isabella de’ Medici was not a nice person

My husband and I celebrated our 18th anniversary in the town of Bracciano, Italy over the weekend. While there, we visited the 15th century castle that towers over the town. It’s one of the most impressive castles in Italy and luckily it’s open to the public. Each room has a plaque with information, so one can learn about the furniture, portraits, or the people who stayed in the rooms.

One of the most “interesting” rooms was that of Isabella de-Medici. Isabella was rumored to push her lovers through a wooden door to the side of her bed when she was done with them, where they fell into a pit of blades and lye.

There were couples in the tour group in front of us that stopped to pose for smiling pictures with their arms around each other in front of the bed with the door in the background. My husband and I skipped that particular photo opportunity.

Orisni-Odescalchi Castle

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