Tag Archives: funny

New pet… this one breathes!

We got a cat this week! The kids are overjoyed. They say it’s a lot more fun than their last pet, Rocky.

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I’ve got a podcast!

Much like my books, it’s about the funny things that happen as an expat living in Sweden. I interview a different fellow expat friend each week and we talk about the mysterious ways of the Swedes and all the various ways we’ve made embarassing mistakes here. Our humiliation is your entertainment!

Each episode is between 20-30 minutes. I hope you will check it out and enjoy it! It’s currently available on Spotify and on iTunes.

The direct link to the podcast page is: https://iceandsnow.se/

Spotify link is: https://open.spotify.com/show/4vT7b4qxzJvq7fqX9AcmRC?si=SeLxB74lQYS0TSkAr6hrmQ

iTunes link is: https://itunes.apple.com/se/podcast/life-in-the-land-of-the-ice-and-snow/id1440431070?l=en&mt=2

There will be a new episode every 2 weeks because…. wow, editing takes a lot of time!

The first episode is called, “What’s Scarier, Halloween or Surströmming?”

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Coca-Cola Revives and Sustains

I’m spending my morning looking for a list of Coke slogans on Wikipedia. No reason really, other than I got an old ad stuck in my head and started wondering if there could be any worse slogans. No big surprise. There are!

Let me share a few:

  • 1906 – The great national temperance beverage.
    I don’t know. It doesn’t really flow. Maybe if they sang it?

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  • 1910 – Whenever you see an Arrow, think of Coca-Cola.
    Um… ok… I will

    ARROWc

  • 1927 – Pure as Sunlight
    It’s not though.

    sunlight

  • 1941 – Coca-Cola is Coke.
    Pure genius. Must have taken a lot of time to come up with.


 

The modern family

As I’m sitting here typing this in my nice comfy slippers from my iPad, my husband plays games on his RetroPie from the bed, my oldest son is using Skype to play Minecraft with his friend across town, and my youngest son is in a virtual reality world. Welcome to the future.

My current view as pictured above.

Hot Dr. Pepper

Never really caught on. 

A passion for chainsaws

These job ads get more specific every day. Today’s copywriting ad states that they would prefer an applicant who is really into chainsaws.

If I come dressed as this guy, do you think I’ll get the job?

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Stakeholders

Every time I read a job ad that includes any mention of “stakeholders,” I just think of an angry mob chasing Dracula and then I forget what the job was about.

Just because I SOUND like a caveman…

This past weekend, I took a shortcut past a brand new tram stop that had not yet opened. A very confused looking woman asked me in Swedish when the next tram was coming. I explained to her, also in Swedish, that the stop would not open until the next day, as it was a new stop for the new line. 

From her confused look, I deduced that I had once again messed up my Swedish grammar in some way. However, I’m fairly certain I got all the key words correct. “New station” “Opens tomorrow” I’m not THAT terrible at Swedish. 

It seems the problem may have been that this woman was not familiar with Stockholm and it’s transportation system. She kept insisting that she arrived at this stop a few hours ago and was trying to go back. Figuring she most likely was not a time traveler from the future, I tried to tell her that there was a different train (not tram) stop about 400 meters up the road just behind a large building. Perhaps that was where she arrived?

But because of what I can only assume must have been bad grammar ( “Different train, you go other side of building, different station.”), she did not trust my local knowledge. In a move I’ve experienced a few times before, she stared at me for a beat, then proceeded to approach another person to ask the exact same question. 

It’s so frustrating to take time to help people when they totally ignore everything you say, even if it is in a caveman-like accent. Just because I’m missing a few adjectives doesn’t mean I can’t answer your question! 

I need to find out the Swedish equivalent of “But that’s what I said!” and “I told you so!”  Otherwise, I might just practice a standard phrase in perfect Swedish and use that for any question from now on. Example: “You only need to wait here 5 minutes. Have a lovely day.”

This will be my response for all future questions, whether they are “How long until the next train?” or “Where can I find something to eat?”. People will trust my confident, perfectly-spoken answer and wait for something that will never come unless they dare to trust information from someone with an accent. 

Cavemen have feelings too!

The best of false advertising

Yesterday, I wrote about false advertising. Looking up the most famous examples took me down a wonderful rabbit hole of the worst offenders. It made me laugh, so I thought I’d share the best examples with you:

wrinkles

icecream

rabbi

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No politics at all !

Just reminding everyone that I have a new book out – “As Long as I Have My Own Bathroom” – which is great summer reading while you’re on vacation, but most of all, IT CONTAINS ABSOLUTELY NO POLITICS!

For sale in the U.S. here – https://amzn.com/1530292964

For sale at other Amazons, such as – http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1530292964

For sale in Sweden here – http://tinyurl.com/zfjql79

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Buy My Book!

Buy my new book “As Long as I Have My Own Bathroom” and learn the secret of the mysterious Leprechaun Museum.

Available on Amazon (for the U.S.) – http://amzn.com/1530292964
Available Amazon.co.uk (for the UK) – http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1530292964
And AdLibris (in Sweden) – http://tinyurl.com/jyjfkro
And most likely on other Amazon services around the world so just check!

Thank you!  All money goes to ice cream.

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Christmas ideas pt. 7

Because sometimes I need to have Lobster Claw hands.

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A Swedish Halloween

Happy Halloween all! We had a Halloween dinner last night at a friends’ house and the kids got to go trick-or-treating. That’s right – LAST NIGHT, October 30. But this is Sweden where no one is quite sure if Halloween is only one day or which one it is, so they tend to celebrate for a week or two.

Now what made our Halloween last night so extremely Swedish (besides some people being confused and giving the kids money – better than last year when they got loose potato chips), was the first house we went to. There was a 3 year old boy jumping up and down on a bed in the window.  Oh yeah, and he was completely naked. The boys had already rung the doorbell and we thought perhaps the parents would be embarassed, but wait… this is Sweden and you’re always going to run into nudity somewhere. The parents and kid came to the door to hand out candy and the kid stayed completely naked just dropping the candy into our kids bags. Our kids were in hysterics. I’ll give that kid best costume of the night – it was shocking for sure. 🙂

(Don’t worry, kid not shown in this picture.)

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How I wish I could respond on Facebook:

da

I can’t share this. My daughter looks hideous.

 

footb

Thank you for letting me know it’s the time of the year to block all football fans from my Facebook feed.

 

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Is she filling it with money? No? Not interested.

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But as for my son-in-law….. he must have been created in the deepest pits of hell. May he be kidnapped by rabid howler monkeys and forced to live off grubs in the jungle. Maria, for the last time, get rid of that loser! He’s not welcome for Christmas!

Hot dog vending machine

One of my friends here in Sweden took this picture at his local grocery store.
That’s right.  A hot dog vending machine.
Take that America!  Sweden is ahead of you on this one!

hotdogmachine

Sign illustrations

Sometimes I wonder who has the job of coming up with the illustrations for park signs.

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More lovely pictures

Speaking of pictures from books, this one is my husband’s favorite:

Bad Monkey

I read a lot of children’s books to my kids and it’s always fun when you find interesting pictures in them.  Sometimes the illustrator likes to hide funny things in pictures that not everyone notices.  My favorite is from a Curious George book.  It’s a little picture off to the side, almost hidden in the crack of the book.   Always makes me laugh.  I’d like a t-shirt made of this picture:

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